The Rainbow rage

a mountain bike ride over the rainbow with a thousand other lemmings

Every year on the third Saturday of March, a thousand demented mountain bikers gather near St Arnaud at Nelson Lakes National Park. They set off to the tune of "Over the rainbow" on an epic ride on the back road to Hamner Springs in North Canterbury, passing through Rainbow and Molesworth Stations and some magnificant South Island high country.

Sucking in the cool morning air, the throng settles into the rhythm of the rainbow, full of satisfaction and suffering from the illusion that their bodies are fit and ready for the road of the Rage. For the first 16km it's a sealed road and it's more or less flat.

The road is then graded gravel and still nice. Confidence builds as the kilometers pass away and the sun warms the back.

Before you know it you've done 30kms and you're still feeling good. The road follows the river - you're going upstream but it's not as if you'd notice. Not yet anyway.

The first significant climb is just a chance to take advantage of all that training you've done. You can revel in the chance to pass those yokels who didn't do their training, who thought that getting sore buttocks training wasn't fun, who have no understanding of endorfins. This warm-up climb is pretty gentle and it doesn't last very long. Besides what goes up must go down - and it does - through a bumpy bit of road which will give your waterbottle a chance to make its break for freedom.

At 59kms you cross Island Saddle. It's no mountain pass, but it's a long hard climb up from the river flat. You'll feel the pain as you go up and you'll still be suffering as you take a break and top up your water at the summit. You may even take in the view. It seems that we didn't - we don't have a photo of it anyway.

The ride down is steep initially and you'll love it because you'll be feeling great now after a nice lunch and a break.

There are a number of fords to cross during the ride but they're no great challenge; just a good chance to cool off your feet - if you're that way inclined.

Before you know it, you'll cross the finish line - well to be honest, you may notice that you've pedalled over 100kms - the average cyclist takes 6 hours. No bum is immune to such treatment.